Monday, January 26, 2009

Life in Death

How strong is your faith? Do you truly have faith in all the attributes of God? I was challenged with these questions on the last day of our Medford tournament. When the news arrived that Jodi had lost her baby, I was crushed. I knew how much the Kruses wanted that child. They had nearly given up on the hope of ever having another baby, but God had blessed them and she became pregnant. But then God took that child away, three weeks before it was about the enter the world.

I was angry. Why had God done this to them? What was His plan? Could I even believe that this was His plan? I was deeply challenged, and mad. Then when I got into my round, and saw that I had to talk on the grace of God, it came to me, as like a voice in my head. God said "can you trust in Me, even when your emotions tell you not too?" God wanted to see how much I believed in His grace. Yeah, sure, I was able to study it and talk about it, but did I truly trust in it? Could I talk about even when I was being challenged in it?

It was then that I realized that God's grace was clearly seen in it all. God had given them this child. He had allowed them to build a relationship with this child for eight months. All of this was God's grace towards the Kruse family. While I talked about it in my round, there was this voice in my head that kept saying "praise Me for the child, it was by My grace that they spent eight months with it in the womb, praise Me."

God took this little child, this child that no one had yet seen, and built all of our faiths up through it. God wanted to see how much we really believed what we were saying. Right then and there I finally came to realize the full meaning of His grace, sovereignty and holiness, like I never had before.

Now we all thank God for what He did through this little child. Our tournament took on a different aspect based on the work God did through this child. Jodi's prayer had always been that her children would further the kingdom of God, and even this child, that would never live to see this world, changed the lives of so many people. We became a closer body of Christ. We had each other to cry with, and to pray for, and I thank God for that!

Even in the death of this beloved child, we saw a new aspect of life!

As I was writing this post this song came up-

Blessed be Your Name
Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name when I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll
turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name when the sun's shining down on me
When the world's "all as it should be"
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name


David Kruse said...

Thanks Kaila. Your talk on grace was wonderful. I now understand God's grace ten times as much. We often (if not always) take it for granted. I think God's plan for this child is best and He will further advance His kingdom through this.

Grandma of Many said...

Thank you Kaila. I am amazed at the widsom God has given my grandchildren. You are each so uniquly special to me. I love you and thank you for helping me in such hard times. Love, Grandma Dot

Ginger said...

Kaila, I appreciate such honesty and heartfelt grief. The passing of this precious little one before its life began is devastating and does test one's reasonings and emotions as to the why. It also clearly shows how the Lord is working in everyone's lives through renewed faith and his assurance to always be a comfort to us. Trials and tribulations will always be before us but resting in the Lord for his grace and understanding through these times will make our walk with him stronger. The Lord too gave so much for each of us through his life and death. Love you and am lifting all of you up to the Lord in prayer.

Heidi Anna Lisa said...

Thank you so much Kaila.
We don't understand how much we take God's grace for granted. Just seeing how much that child was wanted and loved was a great testimony. You are all such a blessing to me. I hope to see you at Appletree. Love, Heidi

The Goldman Family said...

Kaila, you have a wonderful and mature insight to the word of God which you are faithful to share. Thank you for"sharing the gift".

=Alex G.